Tuesday, March 2, 2010

End Of The Road...

As I near the end of my third pregnancy (10 days until my repeat c-section); I think of how we hasten these last few moments. I do understand...believe me, I understand completely!! The "discomfort" of heartburn; swollen feet, ankles &legs; exhaustion; inability to get comfortable standing, sitting or laying down; the back & hip pain; the painful kicks & punches to ribs, bladders and cervix; and I could keep going. I find myself desiring to just "hurry up already" and meet my baby.
But... I try to find the silver lining in these days. Last moments to spend w/ my hubby, or two girls before the new little one arrives, are going quickly. We will only be a family of four for a few more days! And the love that the girls now give so freely to my swollen belly - will soon be gone. It will soon be placed on the new brother or sister they have grown to love already. I always miss the activity in my womb once it is taken from me. Right now, it is only mine, unless I share that the baby is moving or make a comment about hiccups or the like. It's like a little secret between the baby and I. Soon, we won't share those secrets. And further, this may possibly be the last time I experience this amazing gift. We have not carved anything into stone, not making any permanent decisions, but have seriously discussed possibly being a family of 5 from here on out. With the girls, I knew, without any doubts that it was definitely not the end of my pregnancy days. But this time... I am not sure either way. Which is both a bit sad & frightening at the same time. Yet again, one more reason to cherish these last few days.
As a third timer...the moments of "how will I know I am in labor?" or "will it hurt?" or even "what will we do when...?" are not a big concern. But...as the day draws nearer, I am faced with, "what will he or she look like?" or "I wonder if the baby will have lots of hair like the girls did?" "Will everything go ok?"
And as a mother, I still worry about 10 fingers and 10 toes, how the siblings will feel about the new baby and how my hubby will deal with the lack of attention for awhile (again). I have come to realize that the key is trying to stay in the moment and thank God for every blessing He provides.
So, thank you God, for giving me all this discomfort... so I can feel especially blessed when I hold a new gift in my arms for the first time.

1 comment:

  1. Lots of love to you and your beautiful family, Heather! Good luck on the 12th! xoxo