I couldn't think of anything else

While I know extended breastfeeding is not for everyone, I couldn't imagine anything else. Now nine months, our little guy is getting some teeth. He got his first just two weeks ago, and the second one came through a few days later. Now, I can see the top two are ready to come through. He really is handling it pretty well. Thanks to his Inspired by Finn baltic amber teething necklace, we barely noticed - until the little razors were coming through! We were nursing and he was almost done when he clenched down. (Thinking back - his gums were probably very tender.) BUT, Yowzers!!!!!! I didn't realize until later - that he had actually put a very small slice in the underside of my nipple. It probably would have healed much faster - but I had to work for a few days - and the pumping really irritated it. Now - I noticed the upper two front teeth - are coming down under the gum tissue - and today, he did it again. So I am anticipating some new razors pretty soon.
This started me thinking.... I know that there are many mothers out there who wouldn't consider even continuing to nurse through this. Fortunately, there are many mothers who consider this just another stage of nursing. Just like the "learning to latch" stage, or the "cluster feeding marathon" stages. We accept these different stages as part of the game; par for course.
For us, nursing is not just optimal nutrition, it is part of mothering. There are moms, myself obviously included, out there who view nursing as part of nurturing a growing child, a continuation of what started in the womb.
For us, it is another tool in our mommy tool box. It has many uses. For which, my tool box, would not be complete - without it. Obviously - the first is it's nutritional value. (And all of the intended benefits for their growing body.) It also a great "boo-boo fixer," a "tantrum tamer," and a "courage booster." It helps sick babies stay hydrated, get needed rest & get better sooner. (Oh - and not to mention - get sick less often.) It is a wonderful connection for mommies & their babies. For each of my children, when I had to return to work, it was the one thing I could count on to keep us close - despite our separation. The first thing they wanted to do when I got home.
There are thousands of reasons (yes - thousands) I choose to breastfeed for at least two years. I can not list them all. Everyday I encounter something that makes me think, "This, I know I have done right." And I couldn't imagine anything else!

Mad

I am mad. Angry. Pissed off. Ticked!

I do NOT like being lied to.

I really do not like the game my mind plays, once I have realized it.
I knew the truth the whole time. But I didn't trust my gut. I wanted to believe the better story.

It's not really what the lie was about. It is the fact that something was hidden. And now... what else is being hidden? What can my mind conjure up? Oh.... that hurts. A major sucker punch in the gut. I feel like I got the wind sucked out of me.

Anger & Pain. Back and forth. Teetering....tottering of my heart. Do I scream or do I cry?

Yes, life will go on. In the grand scheme of things, it really is not that big of deal.
But what led up to it? Why didn't I see that? And what does that mean... that it was hidden.

The door has been opened.... and the hallway is long & dark....

Dig Deep!!

I remember while I was in labor with Juliana, the words "Dig Deep" coming to my mind. A friend, fellow childbirth educator and Mama of two used to tell her classes this. In discussion of a unmedicated childbirth, she would talk about "transition." The stage in labor that 'all hell breaks loose.' If you have been there (sans epidural) - enough said. But for those who haven't -or those who have not experienced the pangs of labor; we describe it in class as: when you feel like you just can't go on; you want to quit; you beg for anything to make it stop (whether you voice those pleas or just hear them in your head); your body often is in revolt - tremors, shaking, chills - then hot flashes, nausea & vomiting, tunnel vision, uncontrollable urges to push, scream, moan.
In labor, this signals you are near the end. It tells you, you are ALMOST there. You are about to meet your new precious child. It is usually the hardest stage of labor, and the shortest.
It is during this time that those words entered my mind, "Dig Deep! Heather, you have got to Dig Deep...you have the strength with in you!!! Dig Deep & find it!!!"
In times of trial & tribulation, our amazing Creator is calling to us. Dig Deep, I have created you & the inner strength that is in you comes from Me. I will not bring you anything you can not handle! So trust in Me, you can do this!
Sometimes the water gets so murky we can't find our way, or the outside noise is so overwhelming - we can't hear our inner voice; but this is when we must Dig Deep! Because we know it is there, our Heavenly Father created us with the strength to carry on!

It is definitely not easy, most likely not enjoyable and we usually don't ask for it. But it always manages to find us, and not when we feel 'up to it.' In fact the phrase, "when it rains, it pours," comes to mind.

So, I can hear the words echoing in my soul, becoming louder, Dig Deep! Although the pain is strong, you think you can't go on, Dig Deep! Find the Strength, it is there - I put it there. So Dig Deep!! It will be worth it!

End Of The Road...

As I near the end of my third pregnancy (10 days until my repeat c-section); I think of how we hasten these last few moments. I do understand...believe me, I understand completely!! The "discomfort" of heartburn; swollen feet, ankles &legs; exhaustion; inability to get comfortable standing, sitting or laying down; the back & hip pain; the painful kicks & punches to ribs, bladders and cervix; and I could keep going. I find myself desiring to just "hurry up already" and meet my baby.
But... I try to find the silver lining in these days. Last moments to spend w/ my hubby, or two girls before the new little one arrives, are going quickly. We will only be a family of four for a few more days! And the love that the girls now give so freely to my swollen belly - will soon be gone. It will soon be placed on the new brother or sister they have grown to love already. I always miss the activity in my womb once it is taken from me. Right now, it is only mine, unless I share that the baby is moving or make a comment about hiccups or the like. It's like a little secret between the baby and I. Soon, we won't share those secrets. And further, this may possibly be the last time I experience this amazing gift. We have not carved anything into stone, not making any permanent decisions, but have seriously discussed possibly being a family of 5 from here on out. With the girls, I knew, without any doubts that it was definitely not the end of my pregnancy days. But this time... I am not sure either way. Which is both a bit sad & frightening at the same time. Yet again, one more reason to cherish these last few days.
As a third timer...the moments of "how will I know I am in labor?" or "will it hurt?" or even "what will we do when...?" are not a big concern. But...as the day draws nearer, I am faced with, "what will he or she look like?" or "I wonder if the baby will have lots of hair like the girls did?" "Will everything go ok?"
And as a mother, I still worry about 10 fingers and 10 toes, how the siblings will feel about the new baby and how my hubby will deal with the lack of attention for awhile (again). I have come to realize that the key is trying to stay in the moment and thank God for every blessing He provides.
So, thank you God, for giving me all this discomfort... so I can feel especially blessed when I hold a new gift in my arms for the first time.

Black & White

It’s Not Black or White

As I talk to many people about breastfeeding, the one thing I always end up saying is, “Breastfeeding is not black and white.” It might seem like is should be. Do this…and this is what will happen. Or my sister did this – so that’s what will work for me too. Is there anything about it that is black and white? Well – I usually explain it this way… there are certain basic concepts that usually do not change. For example, the hormones that are involved in breastfeeding, the concept of supply and demand, etc. But, there is so much that is variable. And this is so frustrating for many new parents. Still, I have always held – that this is another part of the parenting journey. Every pregnancy, child, and breastfeeding experience is different.

The amazing thing about breastfeeding is, by design, it can vary. Do you think that if every mom produced the exact same amount of breast milk, that it would make it “easier?” Well – maybe easier to be able to say – you should be producing “X amount” at every feeding. But what if your baby is older, or more petite, or has a faster metabolism? Or what if your baby is sick, and has a decreased appetite? Or if you have more than one infant, twins for example? It wouldn’t work too well. Breastfeeding, by design, is baby driven… what the baby needs – is what is produced! So then, why does it seem that so many mothers complain of supply issues? Well, again – not a black and white answer. It depends. On the baby, the mother, the situation, the way the baby nurses, how often, how consistent, and it goes on and on.

Our mammalian bodies are quite wonderful – the way we adapt to many situations. If our baby is born prematurely, our baby will “supercharge” our milk – to try to meet the extra needs of our struggling baby. If we have more than one baby, our bodies will adapt to make enough milk for each baby. When our baby goes through a growth spurt and experiences the need for more calories and more or varied nutrients, our body can respond accordingly. The key is – breastfeeding is driven by the baby. Not what we think our baby should do, or what we want to train our baby to do. The baby has to be able to drive the supply. And as our baby changes, and his or her needs change; the manner in which they breastfeed will probably change too. And this is not only OK; but necessary.

So – with so many variables, and so many possibilities…how does a new parent know if the baby is breastfeeding well? There are a few things that can help. First, educate yourself. Learn as much as you can before your baby is born. Take a class, read a book(s), attend a breastfeeding support group. Second, make sure you get help early on. Have a nurse help, or request a lactation consultant. Third, know where to turn for help, if you need it. And remember these things:

1. Breastfeeding is what is your body and your baby are designed for.

2. Breastfeeding should not hurt.

3. You make what you remove. (basic supply & demand)

4. Your baby- after the first week, should be gaining weight, having plenty of wet & dirty diapers, and look generally healthy.

5. You should enjoy your breastfeeding experience.

6. Breastfeeding takes some practice to become easy.

7. Breastfeeding has been effective for centuries – otherwise the human race would have been eliminated a long time ago.

8. And finally, there is help available – if you want it.

Blessed

I realize that I am truly blessed. I have a lot I could complain about. (And sometimes do.)

I have a wonderful husband who loves me for me. He believes in marriage and the hard work it takes. He isn't afraid to question things, and will even admit (at times) when he is wrong. He knows the thing that is most important to me is feeling safe in his arms.

I have two beautiful daughters. They help me to experience pure joy on a regular basis. They have taught me the amazing gift of unconditional love. They make me want to be a better mom and role model for them. And they have the most amazing sound - of sisters laughing uncontrollably!

I have parents that have shaped the person I am and strive to be. They are amazing people, of which I can only hope to attain to be. I have learned so much about strength, character, godliness, responsibility, love, faith, trust, and most of all - the importance of family.

I have a brother who inspires me and I think could lift the world off my shoulders if I ever needed him to. And he has an amazing wife, whose strength and courage is unbelievable. The zest for life in their family brings a smile to my face every time. And they have 2 daughters who are becoming amazing people, that I am proud to call my nieces.

I have a home, that has kept me warm and safe for 25 years. We have neighbors that care.

I have friends that would do anything for me or my family. I have friends far in distance, but close at heart, who always have a listening ear - no matter how long it has been.

I have a job that I care about and feel like I make a difference.

I have a Heavenly Father, who loves me no matter what. He allows me to feel a range of emotions and experience many things. He provides what I need, and helps me to remember how blessed I am. He has given me so many things and allows me to make choices and learn from them. There has been a time in my life that I questioned how he could allow me to experience such pain, but I now understand that as a parent - it really did cause more pain for him to see me go through those things. And yet he was with me every step of the way - despite me trying to turn away from him.

This life on earth is hard. It is amazing. It is wonderful. How blessed we are to be able to experience it. And know that the life after is eternal - when we trust in our Father.

"Discreet ?"

Who defines “discreet?”
In the world of breastfeeding, special attention has been given to the idea of “discreet” nursing. Marketing giants have picked this as an area to mass market the “newest, latest, trendiest idea” to help mothers achieve this goal.
First – lets look at the definition of the word – discreet.
Miriam-webster defines discreet – as being unobtrusive, unnoticable.
So let’s think about this, breastfeeding being unobtrusive – NOT in your face; or unnoticable – Not drawing unusual attention. I suppose those are not unreasonable requests. But I don’t think that is where the problem lies. It is not with the word “discreet.”

OK… now – let’s look at our society in general.
Breasts are EVERYWHERE!!! Magazine ads; television, movies, manequins in the mall. Have you seen the window displays at Victoria’s Secret? I feel the need to cover my six year old’s eyes!
And how about today’s fashion? Low cut tops & dresses; workout clothes are now a pair of “hot pants” and a ‘sports’ bra??? And should we even approach the subject of bathing suits?
My point is this… our society does not have a problem with breasts. They have a problem with breasts being used for the purpose in which they were created. (Remember…we are mammals…we feed our young from our mammaries.)
But why??? Why is it such a big deal to see a mother feeding her child the way God or Nature (depending on your beliefs) intended? Is it because the breast is no longer functional? It is only a symbol of sexuallity? Who decided that? (The sex who doesn’t feed from their mammaries?) The other sex, to which I belong, provide the first 9 months of nourishment internally – while dealing with nausea, vomiting, backaches, heartburn, labor and birth. You tell me who gets to decide what the function of our mammaries are for!
So if we are focusing on the function of mammaries – it is pretty obvious if you’ve ever been around a pregnant woman. Those mammaries begin to grow during pregnancy. In preparation for their functional value after birth. (And yes, they continue to expand in girth and volume after birth.) So this is their function… to produce the hydration and nutrition required to feed our young. (Nothing sexual about that!)
So what is the problem?
At some point, we discovered that an alternative might exist. Is this alternative superior? No. Not by a long shot. Even the producers of the alternative admit it is not by any means superior, they don’t even claim it to be equal.
But the alternative exists. Now what? Why would one choose to use a suboptimal alternative? Perhaps it is cheaper…nope. The original is free! Perhaps it has fringe benefits…maybe. Depends on your point of view. Perhaps it is just a matter of choice. I think this is it for most. Now – is it possible the original function can be flawed? Of course, there is always the exception to the rule. For which – we are lucky an alternative exists. Otherwise – the survival of the fittest would include the functional ability of the mother’s mammaries.
So if the alternative – is mainly attractive because it is a ‘choice.’ And that makes it acceptable societally… Shouldn’t the original option (nature’s intention) be at least equally acceptable – if not slightly expected?
Back to the idea of “discreet” nursing…
My point is this… if what you are doing is the proposed function of feeding your young, why should one feel they need to not acknowledge that is exactly what they are doing?
Ok – so you really think that covering your baby w/ a blanket, or a trendy “large bib” or even a large sombrero on the baby’s head – is really being unobtrusive or unnoticable? You really think that it is drawing LESS attention to how you are feeding your baby?
I think it is more like the blinking neon sign you see in a bar window – instead of flashing “Budweiser” it is flaching
“BOOB FEEDER.”
Let’s try a different approach.
You are going to lunch… you have two choices for lunch –
a healthy salad full of greens, veggies, and healthy protein of grilled chicken – OR- a deep fried plate of greasy potatoes, and a slab of ground beef smothered in high fat cheese, bacon, and other condiments.
You realize that other people around you may be watching. Do you make a choice based on their potential opinion? Do you make a choice – but then hide behind a menu or under a blanket, so they can’t see? Or heaven forbid, take your food into a bathroom stall?
No, probably not.
And this is for YOU. Not your child. We do all kinds of things for our children, make all kinds of sacrifices for their benefit. Despite ourselves.
I still don’t get it.
What makes us feel that we need to cover up one of the most beautiful things on earth? Women, mothers, sisters, husbands, fathers, brothers – embrace the beauty of a mother and her child. If you see a woman feeding her child with the mammaries she was given – simply say “Good for you.”
I guarantee she will know what you mean, and appreciate it!
And keep the blankets, bibs and sombreros to shield the sun from their delicate eyes.